At some point in your marriage, you may reach a level of predictability and a routine where you unwittingly and unwillingly feel bored. Don’t chastise yourself. It’s a normal thing that long term couples sometimes go through. It does not mean you love your wife less.
If anything, it means you’ve reached that level of security and comfort around each other that you are able to live together harmoniously, without getting in each other’s way.
Still, it’s unconventional. Marriage is supposed to be two people infinitely in love with each other where you are both hardly separable and you breathe each other’s air.
The honeymoon should never have to end, no matter how long you have been together. Anything other than that would mean that the intimacy is dying, if not already dead.
Having that kind of relationship with your wife can be risky for your marriage, no matter how secure and comfortable you may seem. What’s even scarier is that it may lead you both to losing complete interest and searching that intimacy somewhere else.
Don’t allow that to happen. You can save the intimacy and light the fire again. Here are 10 ways for you to save your intimacy-less and sexless marriage.
Remember the time when you were courting her and you said probably the most flowery words known to man, just to make her feel pretty and perfect?
That is something that will still work. Since you have been together for years, you not only know that she is beautiful outside, but also inside.
So, compliment the good things about her and tell her what you love about her.
Cheer her on her abilities and her skills. Let her know you are grateful when she excels in her workplace or if she makes your home spic and span. Complimenting your wife will make her feel you appreciate her.
You can be guaranteed that your wife will be your number one cheerleader, as well. Give and take compliments from each other and always remind yourself and your partner how lucky and happy you are to be together.
It is understandable that you may both have a busy schedule. More often than not, you spend your time making a living to support your family.
But as what they say: some of us are too busy making a living, that we forget to live. You probably have urgent meetings or work commitments that can’t wait, but once in a while, make a small window of time just for the two of you.
Make time to cuddle before getting up in the morning or dine together before going to bed at night – the little things go a long way in helping you connect each day. Sometimes it may be too hard and your schedule too tight, but if you want to make time, you can make time. After all, family should always come first.
Remember when there was just the two of you, and you would go on dinner dates every Friday night, or you go to the movies every Saturday afternoon, or you would take a stroll around the city or the park?
Well, that really should never stop, even if you have kids or have a busy schedule.
It does not have to be as regular as when you were both younger and the whole marriage thing was new. But at least once in a while, get a taste of your young love again through how you also did it before – dinner dates, movies and more.
Go down memory lane and remind yourselves how happy you were back then. The reminder would also be a great way to remember the intimate moments after these dates.
After all, once the kids are grown up and gone, once you’ve both retired, it will be just the two of you again. Keep the connection going, so you can enjoy every phase of your lives together as a couple.
Add a little thrill to your normal day to day conversations. One factor that’s boring you is the routine things that you say and do to each other – even in bed.
So add a little thrill, especially on the foreplay. Like when you are not together at the moment, send her a dirty little text and tell her what you will do once you get your hands on her.
The action is going to build up her anticipation and yours, too. You both will be thrilled and will look forward to your plans for the night. Add a little spice to your text messages or emails while you are both at work.
The fact that you can’t do anything about it at the moment since you have work to do and the anticipation that you build upon each other will have you both steamy and ready by the time the clock strikes six, you’ll come running home to start your night.
We don’t mean break up with your wife – that’s not for us to say. Although reality states – as supported by psychology that we as mental beings also need time alone for ourselves to meditate, to reassess our life, to think about our needs – basically just get some alone time, meaning just you.
Having these moments will make you evaluate yourself and come out refreshed, ready to take on some action – at least that’s the objective.
So having some alone time can make you realize the happiness and trials that you have in your life. How lucky you are to have your wife, how you want to be with her more. Take note though: don’t make your alone time too long, as it may send a wrong message. Got that?
You may be together for years, but there will still always be things that you have not done together yet.
Activities like bungee jumping or paragliding or surfing – or other non-extreme stuff like jogging together, playing video or board games, or even as something simple as cooking and being in the kitchen together can be fun.
You may think that these things are too extreme – or too simple – but they serve a big factor in bringing the spark back to your marriage.
Remember when you got married and planned to spend the rest of your life with her? Well, this is it. Spending time and doing stuff together will light up both of your fires and the romance will follow suit.
Here’s some great advice when it comes to sex: try out new things. You’ve been together for years and you’ve probably been doing the same old sex positions or foreplay.
Try out something new. Experiment on the lovemaking and see what would make you feel good with something that you haven’t done before.
Don’t be too shy to try out new things. You don’t have to try them all in one night, just try something new once a week or month. After all, you’re already married. There’s no need to be shy anymore.
Just do it – any time and chance you can get. You don’t have all your lives to be strong and healthy, so quit fooling around and have sex with your wife.
You may not always be in the mood for it, but once you’re there and in her, you will both feel the warmth of each other’s body and the warmth of your emotions surrounding you.
Don’t think about it as sex – that’s where it breaks down. Think about it as making love. You love your wife, so it is just apt to make love to her – a lot.
Watching porn can stimulate both of you. It actually does the same to her. Try asking her if she’d be willing to watch porn with you.
Let her choose the theme or the video to watch. This is another new thing that you can do together and it’s hitting two birds with one stone.
The intimate visuals will have you both hot and bothered and you can bet on it that you won’t be able to finish the film before you start ripping each other’s clothes off. If porn is too much, go for a really romantic movie instead.
The most important ingredient to make a marriage or any other relationship strong is to talk to your partner and lay it all out on the table. Talk to your partner. Tell her your needs and wants in bed. Ask her what she needs also. Be open to each other and be willing to give what you both want – as long as it doesn’t violate any of your beliefs.
If she loves you – which she obviously does since she married you – she would be willing to work with you and your needs. So just talk it out and be honest, but be respectful and drop the defense. When she tells you something, listen and respond, not react. It’s not all about you, after all.
In the span of your marriage, so many things happen – your job gets busier, you start having kids – life happens. That should not, in any way, take off the intimacy that you and your wife have. Keep the fire ablaze. Keep the love going.
Do whatever it takes to keep your marriage happy and active. No one else can do that except you two. So it should not be a problem. After all, you got married because you love each other. Live up to it and relive your intimate moments.
You know you want to, and before you know it, the nest will be empty and the job duties will decline. You’ll be able to enjoy your golden years together at last.